"For the love of..."

  San Francisco, California

September 24, 2015

"What I used to love"

If one would like to romanticize it, one could say that, about three years ago, I stopped doing what I loved, in the name of love. Things didn’t go the way I envisioned and… long story short, I never went back to doing what I used to love. 

I loved taking pictures; I loved writing, reading, traveling, and being curious. I always valued my spirituality and my friends more than anything in the world. But somehow, somewhere, I simply stopped living the way I loved. I don’t know how it happened, I just did.

I used to take my big camera everywhere. I would never travel with out it. Now I verily use it. I used my phone! I used to read and write often, but according to my blog I haven’t posted anything since 2012! And I don’t remember the last book I read for pleasure.

Of course I still visit places, but I guess there was something missing inside me. I used to go to Church regularly, I was one of those people who liked going to church, but now it’s just not enjoyable for me. I basically pushed all of my friends away. 

How can suddenly stop loving everything I loved. Right? I don't feel bad about it, I just am here, right now. I am not UNhappy, I guess I  am not where I would like to be.

"What the hell happened?"

Looking at myself in the mirror makes me feel like that fat guy who used to be skinny, and everyone keeps asking him, “How did you let this happen?”

How did I let this happen? Well,  I don’t think I ‘let it happen.’ It just happened.

If life was a road, it wouldn’t be possible for me to control the condition of the road, right? I would have to just drive trough it and hope for the best. Sometimes we are forced to go off-road and that is that.

I know, I know. I know I sound like I am rambling, confusing  and supper depressed, but I am not… I am actually hopeful. I think I let someone else drive my car a little too long. It’s time for me to take back the driving wheel and go back to the main road.

I don’t think I’ll go back to the same person I used to be, I don’t want to go backwards, so we’ll see where this newfound road will take me.

This is exciting.

Song: Blowing in the Wind by The Bee Gees (1963)