"Waiting for more instructions."

Rexburg, Idaho
April 1, 2011

"Have you ever"
Have you ever felt so excited that you wanted to run? Run where? right?

I think when one feel the urges of running, what really wants to do is to accelerate time, so whatever the excitement was about would happen... faster.

Am I stating the obvious here? I think I am. I clearly remember feeling that way though...

"Buenos Aires"
When I found out I was coming to the United States for college. I remember I was walking home in a gray and narrow street of Buenos Aires downtown... I was so excited! I was so excited that I literally started running.

I was running so fast that it felt as if I was flying. Distracted on my excitement I almost crossed the street running, without looking. In Buenos Aires that is a mistake you should never make.

I stopped, looked both sides, (I always look both sides before crossing a street, even if it was a one way street, I would look both sides before crossing... I don't know why).

When it was safe to cross, I kept running.

I don't understand why I was running, but I really had the urge to run... Run fast.

I decided then that I wanted to come home fast so i could tell my mom the good news. (Though this wouldn’t be good news for my mom)

I had a huge smile on my face and adrenaline, a lot of adrenaline.

I think that feeling I am describing was "happiness." Have you ever felt that way?

I did... more than once actually. When I found out I was going to Disney World, for example, I literally jumped of excitement...

"I never saw someone jumping so high" my friend said.

I was 28 years old! I always wanted to go to Disney World, and I couldn't believe I was about to... it was so awesome.

I was so excited that my legs were ready to start running. I didn't run though, I was in an underground parking lot so I couldn't run anywhere, but I wanted to.

I don't usually stress about anything (and that stresses people out). I am talking about that stress that makes you freak-out a little bit.

Stressing out to the point of loosing your mind over something, over anything. I found out people freak-out in different ways. My friend Patrick, for example, has the funniest way of freaking out.

He gets paranoid over anything. If his paranoia is focused on money and budgeting, he starts doing math, a lot of math. He does math for hours. He would scratch his forehead to the point of making it bleed. He would do that til he figures something out.

If his paranoia was focused on his health, he would go to the doctor 2 to 3 times a week. He would take medicine and read about some sickness he might have. It's kind of really funny to witness, just make sure his paranoia it's not focused on you, and you'll be all right.

Some people though, when they freak out, they yell, they laugh or cry hysterically... they laugh or cry hysterically of anger or of madness.

Stress makes you do things that are WEIRD. Like talking to yourself out loud, or making you unable to fall asleep. Stress might make you not to take a shower for weeks! or shave... or even eat. Or the opposite, Stress makes you eat...a lot. Have you ever felt that way?

I don't usually stress about anything (and that stresses people out). But when I do, I cry. (hahah I do)

I would cry for anything. Just like a pregnant woman would do, I would cry for what I watch on a movie, for the weather, for something sad, something happy, something stupid… anything.

Every time I felt like I couldn't continue anymore though I got this "extra" strength that helped me to continue going. And would always get that reassuring feeling that "Everything was going to be OK." Have you ever felt like that? I did. I did today.

I am graduating in a few days now, and it's freaking me out. I know this is just a commencement. It’s just a beginning, the beginning of real life… adulthood.

But still, it's scary.

Today I was in bed thinking about the future. I don't have a job, money, or an idea of what I will be doing after graduation. Most people pack their things and then go home and then they figure it out or something. What was I suppose to do?

What was the next step to follow? There is no guidance anymore… since I was a baby it was instructed to me to follow the steps… primary school, high school, mission, college… and that’s it. Well, here I am… freaking 31 years old… waiting for more instructions.

My mind was murdering me with thoughts of things I should have done differently.

Today I got tired of it all so I stood up, took a shower, shaved, prayed, and went out.

I went out and while I was about to cross the street, I looked both sides... And this sudden feeling came to me.... This feeling that whispered me "Everything is going to be OK"

So I run. I run fast. With a huge smile in my face, I run... fast. Run where? I didnt know... I still don’t freaking know.

But what I do know for sure it's that everything… everything it's going to be OK.

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